I don't get it...

I don't understand my life. I don't understand any of it.

I don't know why I'm at Covenant. Why I'm here, and my family is unhappy 30 minutes away. Why I have a room to myself, with a heater that works and plenty of room, and they have a house with a broken heater and mice invading their privacy. I don't know why I had the privilege of graduating from Hebron, and why my sister and brother are at schools where an academic challenge is something they've had to search after, begging to be put in classes that are difficult. I feel guilty.

I don't know why I had the opportunity to go to Costa Rica, England, Wales, Germany, and France, all under the age of nineteen. I don't know why God called me to go to Ireland last summer. I don't know why He's calling me to go to Uganda this summer. But I feel guilty, because my parents haven't been farther than Hawaii and the Bahamas.

I don't know why I am majoring in Sociology, and minoring in Youth Ministry and Missions at Covenant College. I don't understand why I have never been more excited than I was sitting in my Theology of Missions class last week. I don't know why I had to control exploding with joy by bouncing my legs while Dr. Ward was lecturing. I have no idea why on earth I am called to the things that God has called me to. Ministry is far from all fun and games. It's hard. It's exhausting. But it's what He wants me to do.

Why me?

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

These verses are often heard when questioning what God's will is for one's life. I'm not questioning anymore. I know.

I am called to youth ministry overseas. I don't know where, I don't know when, and I don't know how it's going to happen. But that is what I am supposed to do. I have trusted in the Lord, and he has made my paths straight. I have delighted in him, and he has given me these desires. No one in their right mind would choose this life. Yes, it sounds exciting. Yes, I am so excited I can't even contain myself (hence the blog.) But really, it's terrifying.

I prayed that God would use me, that he would send me. I am humbled that he has chosen to use me to serve him in these ways. When I talked with Daddy about Uganda, he excitedly said, "Do it!" Mom was more hesitant. As I explained why I wanted to go, she got all teary-eyed and told me that she gave me to God a long time ago, and she can't stop him from doing what he wants with me. What a blessing it is to have parents who love me, and who have trusted God with my life.

Why do I want to do this, and my sister is called to teach? She gets just as excited about that as I do about missions. It's because God has called us to those things. He has given us the desire to do them. Why do I get to have the desire to do youth ministry and missions? Because God wants me to have these desires.

God wants me to. That is why I am doing what I'm doing. And I am willing.

Oh the places you'll go...

I'm pretty sure that's a Dr. Seuss book title. Now it's a blog title.

I want to go places. I want to do things. But above these, I want to serve the Lord who created me. Three days ago, I prayed that God would use me. That he would send me where he wanted me, and that I could serve him. I'm going.

One Year Ago Today...

Let me preface this by saying that I feel like I look back on things too often. Like my last post saying I want to go back to Ireland. And thinking today that I wish I were a transfer again.

One year ago today, I was running around my house trying to get things together to leave for Covenant. I had gotten a phone call the night before from a man who worked for Covenant. He offered me a scholarship, and asked me to move up on Monday and start class Tuesday. What. the. heck.

I had just been at the memorial service of a wonderful woman who was a close friend of our family. I had just been talking with people at church about wanting to be at Covenant. I walked in the house to both of my parents standing in the kitchen smiling. Mom looked at me and said, "We have some exciting news. You may want to sit down." Uhh, ok? What is it? Are we going to Disney World or something? Daddy's response, "No. She's pregnant." and points at Mom. HAH. Funny. Really, what's up? Then Mom told me.

"Covenant called. They want you to come, and start class Tuesday. They're calling back in fifteen minutes."

I talked with the man from Covenant, and then I called everyone I knew. Grandparents. Emily. Blythe. Katie. Baxter was in Chile, so I had to get a hold of him on Skype. Jon. Mike. Lisa. I had to quit my job at Chick-fil-A (I worked there long enough to make $10. Hah.) and let Melissa know that I wouldn't be able to work with the middle school girls at youth group any more. Then packing. Oh man, what to take. Or what not to take? Insane, either way.

Katie drive from Athens and spent the night. We spent most of it trying to figure out what to take, and I had one of the most restless nights I can remember.

Church Sunday morning was bitter sweet. I cried through the hymns that were sung, and a little during the sermon. We told everyone at church, and it was amazing to have such awesome support from so many people. Everyone shared in the joy that I was experiencing.

Sam's for lunch. Pizza, of course. Then buying the essentials. Shampoo, toothpaste, gum, Diet Coke. All that good stuff. That afternoon, Lauren came over to say bye. Emily and Blythe brought me a college basket. Lisa came over and hung out for a bit. Michael stopped by to say bye. I talked with Baxter and told him how nervous I was. I slept in my room for the last time in what felt like forever.

Monday was just as crazy as the day before. I had to get my high school transcript, my Gainesville transcript, shots, doctor's records, and pack the car. I called Covenant so often that the admissions guy who was helping me answered by saying, "Hey Emily, what's up?" because he recognized my number. Mom and Daddy drove with me up to Covenant. We met with tons of people, unloaded and set up all of my stuff, and then they left. I was a student at Covenant College.

Yesterday, I cried on the way up here. Listening to Sufjan, I remembered driving up the mountain for the first time ever. SCARY. I was welcomed back with hugs from Sarah, and help unpacking my car. I went to get Virginia from the airport, made a Wal Mart run, and stopped by Krispy Kreme. I am one of those girls that squeals when she sees her friends she hasn't seen in a month. I remember seeing people do that last year and thinking, "A year from now, I'll be doing that." Yep, right on.

That phone call changed my life. Right now, I'm sitting in a newly-rearraanged 323 alone. Priscilla's getting married, dang it, so I'm all by myself. (kidding. it's great. but I really am by myself.) I can't wait to see what God does in my life. He has, is and will continue to be working in my life. He never ceases to amaze me.