Growing.

Growing seems to be a bit of a theme for me lately.

This is most noticeable in my growing belly. There are mornings when I wake up and Josiah looks at me and says, "Woah. You grew." This outward sign of the growth of the little one inside of me is pretty incredible.

As much as I'd love to say that growing spiritually, relationally, and intellectually happens as quickly as my belly has grown, I can't. I can't say growth has happened really much at all. I feel stuck, and I'm not sure how to grow out of it. The desire is there, but it seems that my efforts don't really take me anywhere. I've always been a verbal processor, and I don't even know where to start processing. Even trying to come up with words to fill this page is difficult. I feel paralyzed by anxiety and fear, and I don't know how to change it. Josiah and I read through some of my old journals from when I was in middle school, and it made my heart ache to read the words that I prayed. I consistently asked God to change me, to make my worry go away. And those are the same things I pray today. I know that God has worked and change has happened, but it was a harsh reminder that anxiety has been my companion for as long as I can remember. I'm not giving up. I won't let it win.

I will keep growing. And God will keep working.

God is good. All the time.