so many things.

there are so many things happening right now. things i am thankful for, but easily overwhelmed by.

in the last three months, we:

-found out we were pregnant. surprise!
-found out we miscarried.
-decided to pursue moving to malawi.
-found out we were pregnant, again. even bigger surprise!
-i went to scotland.
-decided to stay in lancaster.
-moved to a new apartment.
-josiah went to africa.
-i started school (specifically, kindergarten assisting.)
-i got sick most days.
-heard our baby's heartbeat.
-saw our baby's face.
-i grew a baby bump.
-we both took a lot of naps.

in all of this crazy, God has been so gracious in providing what we need. we are excited about what the future holds, despite it not being at all what we planned. we would appreciate your prayers!

inspired.

last week for my birthday, we took a quick trip to a cabin in ligonier, pa. it was a quiet little town with an awesome bakery and diner with the best burger around. we read, explored the town, and hiked until our little hearts were content.

best part: i came home inspired.

as i have mentioned before, i have struggled being content and feeling like my heart is full here. i have been lacking inspiration, something that i know keeps me going. it was so refreshing to spend time with God and read and pray with Josiah about our life and our future. we had the baby conversation for the first legitimate time, and decided we should wait. a trip to italy is on the table, and i am dying to visit scotland again. we have no idea what's next, or how long we'll stay where we are.

despite the unknown, God's grace prevails and there is hope in things unseen.

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. 

In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, 

abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:11-13 

learning.

learning seems to be the theme these days. learning to live in pennsylvania. learning to be a wife. learning to teach kindergarten. learning to be content. the list could go on and on. forever.

i understand that i will continue to learn for the rest of my life. i love that, and i'm all for that. but these things i'm learning come with far more difficulty than i imagined. i always thought being a wife would come naturally. i love people, so of course i could love a husband and put him first. right? NO. my mother was right. i am the most selfish person on the face of the planet, and marriage is really good at reminding me of that.

part of what's going on in my head right now is trying to figure out what i'm passionate about. for years, this answer was very easy. it was always scotland. i care so deeply about kilmallie and people there, and my passion lies with that church and spreading the gospel in that town. for the last three years, i have either been there or have been pursuing going there. so what do i do now? scotland is an option, and i would love to live there in the future. josiah is very willing to go, and of course there are millions of details that would need to be figured out, but it's a possibility. but what do i do right now, while i'm not pursuing the thing that i am most passionate about?

this brings us to contentment. and learning to be content where i am. i have never done this well. i have always looked toward the next thing, whether it be college or graduating or scotland or marriage. and now, life is happening and there's not a big move or big life change to anticipate. we are here. this is life. and i am finally learning to just be.

snow day.

Y'all, it snowed yesterday. Allll day. Josiah stayed here and worked from home, and I slept late. I woke up to Josiah bringing me the best breakfast in bed.

We ventured out and went to market for milk and eggs. No one was driving and the sidewalks were caked in snow. My face felt like it was going to freeze, but J got a smile (forced much?) out of me anyway.

We came back and he worked the rest of the day. I did a little work for church, distracted Josiah, and cleaned.

He's just too cute to leave alone.

Here are a few photos of all that snow from our apartment windows:

It's a warm 8 degrees today, so none of this stuff is going anywhere any time soon!

food for thought. literally.

paleo.
whole30.
complicated orders.

welcome to this month.

we have been doing the whole30, and we feel amazing. once i got the chocolate cake out of my head and could focus on cooking things like veggies and grass fed meat, i've gained a deep appreciation for whole foods. josiah and i both think better, function better, sleep better, and our clothes fit better. when we started, i was just counting down the days until it was over. i have to admit, i cheated, but the chocolate wasn't worth it. i felt horrible and i decided to commit to making a lifestyle change, not just a thirty day change. it's been so hard, but so good.

we'll see how this goes as we continue!