learning.

learning seems to be the theme these days. learning to live in pennsylvania. learning to be a wife. learning to teach kindergarten. learning to be content. the list could go on and on. forever.

i understand that i will continue to learn for the rest of my life. i love that, and i'm all for that. but these things i'm learning come with far more difficulty than i imagined. i always thought being a wife would come naturally. i love people, so of course i could love a husband and put him first. right? NO. my mother was right. i am the most selfish person on the face of the planet, and marriage is really good at reminding me of that.

part of what's going on in my head right now is trying to figure out what i'm passionate about. for years, this answer was very easy. it was always scotland. i care so deeply about kilmallie and people there, and my passion lies with that church and spreading the gospel in that town. for the last three years, i have either been there or have been pursuing going there. so what do i do now? scotland is an option, and i would love to live there in the future. josiah is very willing to go, and of course there are millions of details that would need to be figured out, but it's a possibility. but what do i do right now, while i'm not pursuing the thing that i am most passionate about?

this brings us to contentment. and learning to be content where i am. i have never done this well. i have always looked toward the next thing, whether it be college or graduating or scotland or marriage. and now, life is happening and there's not a big move or big life change to anticipate. we are here. this is life. and i am finally learning to just be.